You Might Be A Redneck If . . .

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. . . you're going up the highway and hear a kid ask his mom if he can get out and

push their car too!

. . . you've ever worn a tie with a flannel shirt.

. . . someone accuses you of lying through your tooth.

. . . you were allowed to drink beer and date the teacher all through high school.

. . . you painted your truck camouflage and now you can't find it.

. . . you've ever sold your car for gas money.

. . . you've ever picked up your girlfriend in a John Deere.

. . . your wife wears tight leather and it makes her look like a re-tread.

. . . your brother is your wife's favorite son.

. . . your lawn mower gets better mileage than your car.

. . . you run a garden hose from outside, through a window to fill your indoor hot tub.

. . . your local funeral home has a drive-thru.

. . . when you buy your new bride a burned down trailer and tell her you're gonna

"fix it up a little" (true story).

. . . you heard that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so you moved.

. . . you refer to deer hunting as a religion.

. . . you wore camouflage to your wedding.

. . . truck drivers tell your wife to watch her language.

. . . you wear a tube top to a wedding.

. . . you think good china is China without any Chinese people.

. . . you use your computer as a stereo.

. . . someone can circumcise you by kicking your little sister in the jaw.

. . . the most common phrase in your house is "someone go jiggle the handle."

. . . you purposely feed the cockroaches.

. . . you shop lift from a yard sale.

. . . your uncle's 14 year old kid is out in the front lawn and saying "Ai Pane Ai Pane."

. . . you itch your butt in front of your wife.

. . . are missing a lot of teeth.

. . . you have beer cans all over your yard.

. . . you don't take a shower for a long time.

. . . you use the word ain't a lot.

. . . you miss your 5th grade graduation because your are called for jury duty.

. . . your sister is also your aunt.

. . . your toilet is a 5 gallon bucket.

. . . you have 500 men working under you and you cut grass at the cemetery.

. . . you can spit tobacco juice through the holes in your truck's floorboard.

. . . your sister has ever asked to borrow the backhoe.

. . . somebody says, "HO DOWN" and your wife falls to the ground!!

. . . you pave your parking spot just because your neighbor calls you a red neck.

. . . the first thing you do in the morning is check your critter trap, and you're

disappointed when it is empty.

. . . you scratch your butt at night and smell your hand in the morning.

. . . you've ever had to put on a pair of boots to go to the bathroom.

. . . your deer stand has an address.

. . . you and your dog have the same toilet.

. . . there is anyone named Cletus in your family.

. . . you've ever attended a Gun and Knife show as a dealer.

. . . you have a motor swinging from a tree in your yard,a dog tied to the fence post,

and someone sitting in a rocking chair that's over 75 and has a Remmington 12 gauge,

a spit cup, and Copenhagen in the back pocket.

. . . you have a peeing contest with your wife and she wins.

. . . you have a tattoo that says "I Love My Mommy" and mommy is spelled wrong.

. . . you shop-lift from Goodwill.

. . . your family gathers for Monday Night RAW.

. . . you know what a jockey lot is and you go more than once a week.

. . . you've ever used a toaster to light your cigarette.

. . . you're on a date and you see a childhood friend and you tell your date

"she is like my sister" and that makes her worried.

. . . you refuse to shave or bathe until you've bagged your first deer of the season.

. . . your first name consists of initials.

. . . you nick-name children "possum" and "critter."

. . . you wear camouflage pants with a plaid flannel shirt and combat boots.

. . . you call your wife "ma" and want her to call you "pa."

. . . you own a badly made, ugly gun cabinet that you made in wood shop.

. . . the only songs you know on guitar are Lynard Skynard songs.

. . . Hank Williams, Jr. is your hero.

. . . you use the word "man" at least four times in each sentence you speak.

. . . you carry a gun to the store "just in case the car breaks down and a stranger

approaches to help."

. . . you spray crawling bugs with hair spray and light them on fire with a lighter.

. . . directions to your house include "turn off the paved road"

. . . you exclaim "Whoo, Doggy , tell ya what!!" when you see your coon hound

have pups on your living room floor.

. . . you have ever used spit tobacco as a fish attractant.

. . . you call toilet paper a leaf and a toilet a bucket.

. . . you have used a rag as a gas cap.

. . . your 5 year old calls your mother MOM and YOU Debbie.

. . . your own farts don't seem to smell so bad.

. . . you know exactly how long it takes for pizza to get fuzzy in the fridge.

. . . you have an aunt-mom and uncle dad.

. . . you think that "HANK" the dog of "Huntin with Hank" is a real fine actor.

. . . you had your own parking space in Jr High.

. . . you have a "church" cap.

. . . you pull the legs off of fly's then toss them into the air to see how long it takes

them to "crash land".

. . . your idea of the newspaper is a 14 year old copy of Dog Fancy.

. . . your mom is your sister,aunt and your dads mother.

. . . your house has more miles on it than your car does.

. . . your old toilet now serves as a flower pot in your front yard.

. . . you made your fishin pole outta popsicle sticks.

. . . you have to fill your toilet up with lake water to use the bathroom.

. . . you ask what's for dinner and your wife props her legs on the table and says "crabs".

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