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A Tribute to Bubba the Redneck

 

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This hear is my varmint tribute to what is probably the doggone maligned character in the South, even more maligned than the infamous Southern Belle herself. This hear character is a "fine ole fellow, usually known as Bubba the Redneck. Shut my mouth! He is most surely misunnerstood, cuss it all in tarnation.

Bubba is generally thought to be uneducated and just a little bit this here side of retarded, cuss it all to tarnation. The truth of the matter is, he is just basically happy with himself and his life and most of the uppity, high-faluting folks who look down their pointy noses at him doesn't recognize pure happiness when it looks them in the face, grins, and says "Howdy y'all, ah reckon."
Now, our Bubba, he walks hard, usually down at the garage of at the local factory, sometimes both. He may never have the best job in the world, but he's fine at What he does and somebody's gotta does the dirty work. He sarved his country, not on account of somebody made him, but on account of he figgerd it was his duty todo so.

Bubba aint never a-gonna git rich, but he makes enough topay his bills, help his momma and Pappy out a little bit, and still have 'nuff pocket cash to show his lady a fine time on Saturday night. What in tarnation mofe c'd a man need? Bubba's not got a lot, but then, he don't be hankering it all, ah reckon. He's happy and corntent with the fack that he's got a roof on over his haid, grub when he be hankering it, a truck and an old Harley thatoll take him where he be hankering to go and bring him back, and he came by it all honestly. He arned it. He's got a sweet little Bubbette tokeep him company and make him feel right proud on Saturday night. Even if some folks feel the need to look down on him, fine, he just kind of figures that they aint had much raising and folks can't help it Even if their parents didn't raise them up right. Bubba most likely lives in a trailer of a little frame house somewhere outside of town, as any fool can plainly see. the townies might take offense at his houn' houn'dogs and his ragged old pick-up truck messing up their fancy looking neighborhoods. They couldn't see the beauty in his twenty year old Harley and his ten year old bass boat. He knows for sure they'd hoof it and git all riled up when he goes to walking on his truck or riidng his Harley early on a Sunday morning.

Fancy folks likes to sleep in, as any fool can plainly see. Besides all that, the air's cleaner out here in the country so that a man can breathe without breathing the air straight in outta another fella's mouth. Out here he can hoof it and lay in the back of that old pickup and look up at the moon and stars and find enough peace and quiet to have a think for himself. Now and then his Bubbette will come out and lay with him awhile and life doesn't git no better than that. Bubba doesn't feel the need for fancy automobiles and fancy houses. Folks what has all them things has got more worries and troubles than you can shake a stick at. Now and then he gits a hankering for one of them "dooley" trucks, but he pow'ful just can't see where it would git him aroun' any better than the one he's got. Least ways, the one he's got is paid for and even if it busts down, he can fix it himself. He doesn't look to be losing no sleep on over worrying about payments. the same goes for one of them trimendous fancy houses. He knows several folks that has them and he figuers they'll die early from working and worrying about paying for them, dawgone it. A man can't enjoy nothing that's worrying his mind to death. Bubba enjoys his home. It's his and can't nobody ever come and take it away from him, dawgone it. Least wise, they'd surly be foolish to try it. Bubba's had his right raising. His momma and Pappy done their best by him, and so far, he doesn't reckon he's let them down too bad, cuss it all to tarnation. He gets a little wasted on Saturday night and raises a little hell, but he always cleans up his own messes and pays for the damage he does. He's been slapped in the pokey a few times and most likely will be agin, but he knows how to act. He aint never got to drunk to call all the ladies "ma'am" and get the chair and the door for them, dawgone it. Bubba figgers all women is ladies on account of his momma is one and she's the lady he's known the longest. Lord knows his momma is a saint. He gave her some grief a-coming up, but these days she's prone to bragging about him a little at church on Sundays. He's a fine fella--she'll tell the world! Fry mah hide!

Bubba doesn't git too drunk to dance. He does it fine and with enthusiasm, dawgone it. He'll happily dance every dance Even if his lady be hankering to; you won't ever see Bubba on the dance floor with a beer in his hand. Even if he figgers some low life piece of trash is liable to steal it before he gits back to the table, then he'll kill it before he hits the dance flore. Only low class folks with no raising carry their beer onto the dance flore with them, dawgone it. Whuffor, thought be an insult to the little lady, and besides that, he be hankering both hands free for holding onto that sweet little thing. Even if Bubba happens to be dancing with someone other than his own little Bubbette, he lets the lady knows right off that his heart is already the varmintal, private property of someone and he's right glad that it is. Whether the lady he's dancing with looks like a stofybook princess of the first cousin to pond scum, he'll make her feel like the belle of the ball, ah reckon. He's got that kind of natural charm, grace, and manners. Bubba always lets his Bubbette knows that she's the main star in his heaven and his Bubbette surely does appreciate him, dawgone it. He remembers What his Pappy told him when he was a-coming up. "It aint where you live of What youve got that makes you a man, son, as any fool can plainly see. It's the look your woman gives you when she sees you a-coming through the door. that's What makes it all worthwhile. Even if your womans face doesn't light up like sunshine when she sees you a-coming, you aint doing something right and you had better back up and take to the helter-skelter at it." Bubba does a little hunting and fishing, not so much for the sport as for the idea of being out there in the woods of on the water, reckoning his own thoughts and just resting a bit. His Bubbette understands this here and doesn't fuss at him for his ramblings. She knows everbody needs a little time for themselves and Bubba aint no different. He's a man, but he's also mighty human with a mighty human need for solitude with his own thoughts and dreams. She knows the only kind of deer he's chasing After is the four legged kind, cuss it all to tarnation. She's got a fine man and she knows it. He's as solid and dependable as a hunk of grey granite rock and he's got a loving way about him thought give a rock a heartbeat.

It makes her feel real proud to go walking into the local dance hall on his arm, dawgone it. She's got the best looking man on the place and every woman there is fine aware of it. He won't ever give her all the shine and glitter some women seem to be hankering and need so much, but he gives her his heart and that's the only treasure she'll evah be hankering of need, cuss it all to tarnation. Other women may have important jobs, fancy houses, and shiny cars, but she's got her Bubba and that's something that them high-society rich women would gladly sell their souls for. Bubbette remembers What her old granny once told her. "Find yourself a fine man What loves you and even a tarpaper shack will be as pleasant as a golden palace. It aint worth nothing Even if loving doesn't live there." Granny knowed What she was talking about. Bubbas and Bubbettes is a disappearing breed, but you can still find them working in the garages, fackofies, and beauty parlors of the South. There's always a few at the local watering hole on Saturday night. They drive pickup trucks, ride Harleys, fly the Confederate flag, and keep the wheels of the world greased and turning. After all, when it comes right down to it, somebody's gotta roll their sleeves up and does the dirty work and Bubba the Redneck and his Bubbette aint never been too fine for honest hard work. As long as Bubba the Redneck exists the Confederate flag will fly on over Dixie and the roaring heartbeat of a Harley will be heard in the southern nights. When the last Bubba the Redneck is laid to rest, the southern winds will softly sing "Dixie" and the southern stars will form the Confederate flag across the heavens in his honor.

To all the fine ol' fellas and Bubbas out there, "God bless you."


original source: Becky Howell


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