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High School Essay List
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its
two sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,
like a guy
who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without
one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at
high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse,
without one
of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and
he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound
a dog makes
just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because
of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge
at a
formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly
the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a
Hefty bag filled
with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene
had an eerie,
surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another
city and Jeopardy
comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after
a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots
when you
fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers
raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one
having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from
Topeka at 4:19
p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket
fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds
who had
also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and
she was the
East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel
trap, only
one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But
unlike Phil,
this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get
from not eating
for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from
stepping on a land mine or
something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended
one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids
around with
power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he
heard bells, as
if she were a garbage truck backing up. |
Students
were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My
Life" by Bill Clinton. One
smart student turned in the following book report, with the
proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool
professor gave him an A+ for this report:
Titanic: $29.99
Clinton:
$29.99
Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton:
Over 3 hours to read
Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their
forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton:
The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent
catastrophe.
Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton:
Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good
cigar.
Clinton:
Ditto for Bill.
Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress
gets ruined.
Clinton:
Ditto for Monica.
Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.
Titanic:
Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton:
Monica's forced to return her gifts.
Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the
rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't
remember Jack.
Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full
of seamen.
Clinton:
Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton:
Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same thing.
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